jpierrepontcriss:

my mom was pulling into a parking space today and she asked “am i relatively straight?” and i said “i think that’s something you need to decide for yourself” and she told me to walk home

tomlintum:

whenever my mom criticizes me i yell “it’s probably genetic” and run out of the room as fast as i can

(Source: tomlintum)

jimmyjamjimjohn:

rubywhiterabbit:

One day we’ll be in a Marvel movie, sitting there as something doesn’t feel right. and as the credits start to roll we’ll know what it is. It will flash up on screen and our hearts will break. “In loving memory of Stan Lee”. There was no cameo in that movie. And there never will be again.

indoxyl:

i wanna give a high five to every parents who have a hot son good job